I leave in a little while to cross the vast wasteland of the desert at night. I leave to run from Tucson, to get the hell out of this blazing hell of angry pointy plants and grabby bugs, to run away to the ocean where life began, to flee the constant undercurrent of bad mental state that I can’t quite shake although I can easily, and have often, forgotten about it since I experienced loss for the first time.
I’m changing my scenery and that’s always a good thing. It helps bring you back and ground you when your brain is flitting about grasping at everything.
I’m going to take pictures. I’m going to see some stuff and write a little and clean out my system and my mind maybe. I’m going to go see if I can see some people I haven’t seen before up in the northwest, California, Oregon, maybe Washington. I’m going to dance naked with the bears and teach them how to Irish jig.
I may add to this mental mess. I may wait until I have a perspective on it. I guess we’ll see.
The truly annoying thing that’s lingered all day in the back of my head all day is that feeling that I’m not saying goodbye to the only person here that I should be saying goodbye to. I guess that’s the way of these things when you have a person-hole in you that just doesn’t want to get filled up.
Maybe the forest and the ocean will do it. I sure hope so because I’m tired of missing.
You have more empathy from me than you might have expected here, Scott. Ironically enough, t’was nearly identical circumstances that tore me from the Pac NW and brought me to AZ, just the reverse of the path you now tread. I truly envy your freedom to pick up and travel, and wish I were in Cal/Or/Wa myself. I’ll spare you the trite old ‘time heals all wounds’ bit, but I know you’ll rise above your present situation.
Give the ocean and trees my regards, and I will pass along your good-bye’s to the pointy plants and grabby bugs, for I’m almost certain thats what you meant…..hm..