Archives

Memories of news stories past

Two lines I just heard on NPR in a story about Haiti I heard on 3/9/04 that I noticed today when I was archiving and cleaning up voluminous old emails.
“I went out to get some hair extensions and the men started shooting at me.”
“Men trampled women and small children to get to the microwaveable pizzas.” […]

Sitcom idea

One gay and one heterosexual Siamese twins.
Madcap comedy of errors ensues!

Pondering the essence of humor

A bunny ripped off my left testicle…Why is left testicle funnier than right testicle?

Internal monologue

If only I could stop being me for a while I could get my life on track.

Really helpful advice for the woods bound

Never use a shampoo with fruit extracts when you’re camping.

Ancient thoughts are quite profound

When they lose their sense of awe, people turn to religion.
— from the Tao Te Ching

Something to hate

I hate when people who are idiots have the same opinions I do.

The genius of the Marx Brothers

Quote from the movie Animal Crackers: “Pardon me while I engage in a strange interlude…”

A quick thought

How do you explain being the only survivor to a demon attack to the police?
That kind of thing happens all the time in the movies but they never show the aftermath. They never show having to explain to a cop.
“Officer…crazy thing. So my friends and I were playing with this ouija board and we accidently […]