This screen here in front of me is mocking me while try to think of something amusing. It’s cool blue light,
blue light appearing brighter than other colors to the human eye,
I just read that in a book on lighting for film,
film makes me all giddy with possibilities,
possibilities abound and confound and confuse and thrill and chill and bemuse,
bemused is how I spend most of my days when I haven’t been angry and depressed from eating too much crappy food,
wheat kills slower than bullets,
food thrills me almost as much as movies because the whole concept is filled with so much possibility and potential creative explosion,
you look for the perfect shot in a scene the perfect moment when you cook the perfect moment when you make love the perfect moment when you’re alone in the wilderness and the wind in the trees rustle a sense of home,
home is where I keep my stuff but I don’t have much stuff so I guess I don’t have much home or maybe I don’t have enough social center to make a home since I’ve never felt at home for longer than minutes at a time which is a curious thought now that I think about it,
thoughts are what tickle me most of the day rolling tumbling zipping and fleeting never enough time to follow a thought that takes you anywhere interesting and when you try to follow one to the end the damn thing often takes off and flies away leaving you alone on a faded path in a deep desert valley mesquite and cholla lots of angry plants blocking the way,
desert is amazing and the fact that I live here through these sultry winter days continually amazes me this morning I stood outside in a t-shirt feeling past moments when I was in New York City turning the corner onto Morton Street going to work and the blast of frozen air coming off the Hudson River would hit me and it felt that it was sucking years of my life away and it might have,
away is where I want to be but you don’t get much done away so here I stay a lack of any better idea of how to live,
a life that I’ve mostly wasted which is a shame but oh too true too boo hoo what did I do,
what did I do with all that time,
a waste of time,
a total crime against humanity if you believe the musings of the mystics,
mystic is what I’d be 1000 years ago a monk on a hill, a fighter a thinker a useless tinker,
the image you imagine of who you are play at what you are pretend where you are how you are connected to the universe,
the universe is quite big,
so damn big,
read about it,
man it sure is big,
my boots are in desperate need of replacing if I’m going to take a walk through the universe they’re nearly worn away,
mindfully traversing the world is a lot cheaper than taking a plane trip to New Zealand,
to figure out how to fill the holes that kind of just happen in your life without seeing them,
same way with your shoes slowly wear away and then one day you take a step into a puddle and your socks are soaked with greasy city street water,
greasy water would be a good name for a movie about kitchen workers cause you sure encounter a lot of greasy water in a kitchen,
how will I get the time to finish The Muffin Man script about the greatest chef ever and the greatest killer ever in a kind of buddy picture if I can’t make enough time to edit a silly bit of video of a guy jamming 20 donut holes into his mouth,
is that a contribution worth making to the zeitgeist,
the amorphous zeitgeist is the universe spinning out its own understanding of itself,
that is the essence of all religion,
the essence of the mystical notion,
the essence of Bill Hick’s third eye squeegeed by 5 dry grams,
the essence of the essence,
the Way,
evolution,
the Tao,
an interesting thought that leads you everywhere and nowhere,
how do you choose when every choice is gravity leading you somewhere pulling you along to nothingness, nothingness that you have to forget about to live life,
stop this meaningless meaning and talk about light,
not lights,
light and how to use it how to paint with it the mood the setting the flow of the scene,
the light of life captured on tape,
made more interesting by the use of light music sound action actual people compressing their emotions and letting them fly,
emptiness stillness fullness flow