The first time I’ve had to sit down and kind of think about writing something in nearly a week. How crazy is that? And I have to leave in mere minutes to experiment with video technology.
It’s so weird how busy and pointless life seems at times. You look back, you can’t figure out what the hell happened, how you spent that time, and where it all went horribly awry. Or I do anyway. Lots of people don’t seem that have that particular experience and I am jealous of them, fucking bastards with meaningful lifes they never ponder!
So anyway, about this time last week, I was bodily thrust into the mindspace I was in around the beginning of July and it was no fun at all. The exact circumstances aren’t particularly important. Suffice it to say that for a small moment in time around Friday my mind was…put upon.
Which is okay. Objectively I knew I was being an idiot and that all was well but there I was reliving my past and it was a past I keep wishing I never had in the first place. Wish the thoughts and memories would simply fade and leave my mind placid and tranquil the way it’s never been. Calm as a mountain lake, as clear as a cold desert morning, other hackneyed metaphors abound.
None of which advances the story which will advance at the next line.
I had been up at 6 AM last Friday morning and went to bed late that night. Got up an hour later. Completely awake staring at the ceiling listening to NPR wishing my abilities to calm my fucking mind would evolve faster.
“I am enlightend right…now! Shit.”
That Saturday was a movie shooting day. It was a sand in the gears of life kind of day. Nothing seemed to go well, we didn’t get everything we needed, I was exhausted on top of that. It was no fun the way a hobby should be and definitely no fun the way a job should be when you’re doing it as a kind of hobby.
It ended. We left. I went home to shower off the smoke that hovers in the bar (The Shelter) at all times. And I laid in bed pondering the shitty day, my shitty state of mind, and longed for sleep which, because I longed for it and you ever never get what you want despite what the fucking Rolling Stones might have opined, never got near my humble abode.
Sleep laughed at me from across the street. I could see that specter through my open door giggling like a schoolgirl pointing at me and drawing characatures in the sand that mocked my entire life. Sleep was wearing a silly hat too. A big fuzzy hat with a picture of a guy smashing his head against a brick wall.
Then I went to Epic where they keep the internet to do something…anything other than lay in bed wishing I could just go to sleep. That only put me in a more foul mood. It was cold there, I was angry for no reason, lamenting that it’s scientifcally proven that people suck and they never fail to disappoint. Just ask any scientist! They’ll tell ya!
To quote Bill Hicks: People suck, and that’s my contention. I can prove it on a scratch of paper with a pen. Give me a fuckin’ Etch-a-sketch, I’ll do it in three minutes. The proof, the fact, the factorum. I’ll show my work, case closed. I’m tired of this back-slapping ‘aren’t humanity neat?’ bullshit.
Bill Hicks is the greatest comic philosopher of all time so he would know.
My mind was filled with demons and those demons demanded we got together to make more demons.
I went home and laid in bed for a few hours more trying to sleep. Listening to music. Not quite conscious. Not quite asleep. Not quite anything other than laying in bed kind of chilly looking at the slotted wood in my ceiling, my mind awandering and my thoughs purposely miserable.
I gave up the notion of sleep. It was never going to come. I was going to be up and if I was going to be up I should be doing something.
A friend and her fiance were having party for his birthday. A Fuzzy Party where everyone wore something fuzzy. It was better than laying in bed not sleeping.
I went, I drank beer, I chatted, danced a little, talked a little, watched the world a lot because it baffles me and like a baby under a mobile I am fascinated by the commotion.
It was a great moment. The fuzz in my head lifted and I was kind of happy. A wonderful vibe echoed.
The half naked fire twirler amused the crowd. The mysterious small cat soothed the crowed. The beer energized the crowd. The pot and whatnot loosened the crowd.
At some point I happeded to be standing near a small group who were putting something in their mouths. A cute girl looked up, she was high and insightful, she said, “You look like you need this.”
“I probably do.”
I took the little piece of paper and tried acid for the first time.
It was quite nice. The hyperwareness was wonderful. Petting a cat and eating a hamburger and crashing on the couche watching the crowd was just…better.
The day before was obliterated. It did not exist. I was was happy. Trying new things. Making new friends. Seeing the world with my iris wide open (and my eyes really dilated).
I guess I’ll finish this another day since I have to go do movie stuff…