…about there being Mexicans and people of similar ancestry in the southwest. It is amazing how difficult it’s been to find an old Mexican man in Tucson. I need one desperately and maybe if it were for a deviant sexual purpose one would just show up at my house because that’s the kind of thing people do when they hear about deviant sex. Hundreds maybe, sent via FedEx in a sparkly shipping container from Chiapas.

The problem I have is that I don’t need to strap one to the ceiling and bugger him with a carrot covered in peanut butter. I just need one to act in this short film (El Viejo e Maddog).

There are a billion fucking hispanics in Tucson. I see old Mexican-looking men all the fucking time. Why can’t I make the short film and an old Mexican man concept merge into oneness? It seems doable and yet here I am waiting ever so fucking patiently for calls to be returned while simultaneously (simultaneously because I want to imply motion, commotion and frenzy so doing things simultaneously would imply that and that is why I’m doing it that way) searching the web for contact info for border issues theater groups.

[note: "Border issues" is one of those bullshit PC terms that I find myself using all the time now to entice free stuff from people. That and community. Any time anyone anywhere says something like "we want engage the community and explore cross-cultural issues" they are so full of shit that it's amazing they can stand up from all that dense mass of intellectual constipation. The nightmarish thing is that I now find myself using similar terms to try to entice people to help out. What the fuck is next? Blowing producers for enough money for a good light kit?]

But I’ve got a thousand hispanic girls and I only need one and she doesn’t even have to be a good actress. Fuck.

That’s it. We’re changing the script. It’s the only option. You work with what you have.

So instead of the exploration of the relationship as a poetic metaphorical zaniness between a young guy and the grandfather of his girlfriend we make it a passionate romp between hot hispanic lesbians. One gets off on being pushed around Tucson in a wheelchair (I’m using the wheelchair no matter what since it’s what started the whole idea for this crazy thing anyway) wearing cowboy boots, a hospital gown and a weather beaten cowboy hat. Her large breasted lover/wheelchair enabler never wears a top.

The wheelchair lesbian carries a sniper rifle since she’s a Gulf War vet who was wounded in action during a covert mission to bring peace and happiness to Falluja. She’s not bitter though. She loves America and apple pie and killing illegal immigrants. The two spend their days near the border taking head shots at the people crossing the border. Always head shots because you don’t want them to suffer.

We end it with a rousing speech by the wheelchair lesbian as she cleans her gun and the topless lesbian jumps on a trampoline with ten other girls in the background.

Now that’s a movie that people will watch! I’m don’t even want to shoot the El Viejo thing anymore.

Although we can still keep the working title, it’s even better now, El Viejo e Maddog: Aventuras en la Frontera.

The open titles could be an homage to the 1960’s James Bond movies. Lots of saturated colors. Charlie Mingus playing in the background. It will be the least fucking politically correct thing ever and I can still use the asinine terminology of the border issues people. Fuck! Now we’ll be exploring gender issues too.

The short fillm El Viejo e Maddog: Aventuras en la Frontera is an exploration of border issues. The border between love and death, the slippery US and Mexico border, the border of madness and sanity, and the border between hot lesbians covered in Vaseline jumping on a trampoline.

[note: the Vaseline is to prevent painful chafing from all the friction]