I’m making two movies at this very moment. One about superheros and one about an old Mexican man and a cholo kid.

A few days ago one of my co-workers pointed out that a distant relative of her’s was in film school in Phoenix.

Tonight I went to the cafe location where we’re shooting a bit early to sit and type and check email and make calls and do all that crap that makes you look ever so busily important in a cafe. Next to me were two people who were working on a script for a short they were shooting this week about an Elvis impersonator.

Now, granted this was for an MFA thesis from the Columbia College in Chicago shot on Super 16 with an actual budget and crew which makes my endeavors look sad and pathetic by comparison…however, it’s still weird to be surrounded by this loosely connected nexus of people making movies…I mean FILM. Sounds more impressive that way.

So it would seem, everyone is making films these days. Soon the world will be drowned in a sea of bad projects and unwatchable crap and that’s how we’ll win the War on Terror.

It’s THE secret plan that I’m revealing. It was told to me in a meeting with some men in combat fatigues, sunglasses and funny hats. The hats were to confuse and disguise their origin.

They told me, in that warehouse lit by a single bulb hovering overheard from a bare wire, that the plan for winning the War on Terror (aka WOT) was to get everyone making movies…I mean films…and the deluge of cultural output would be dropped from super-secret radar avoiding planes. The bad guys would watch this stuff, become confused and befuddled by the insanely mixed messages. They’d make mistakes and that would allow the war part to come in when missiles drop from never landing drone planes onto their silly little heads and leaving nothing but a vaporized splotch of red goo and a single charred shoe (the missles are designed to always leave a shoe as a kind of calling card).

We’re doing the work, fighting the good fight, making movies…films to confuse and overwhelm the evil bastards out there. It’s going to work man. It’s going to be great and when the war is won there will be a lot of out of work filmmakers sitting on street corners begging for funding for a project.

Speaking of which, begging for things has become much easier for me now that I do this film making thing the past few weeks. I’m poor and can’t pay for anything so I’ve had to get used to begging for help.

Wouldn’t you like to support the arts? Help out a wayward visionary infused with the creative impulse? Wouldn’t you like to fund a project and get your name on the credits in shiny happy letters, 5 feet tall and glistening, showing that you have so freaking much money you could throw away a few tens of thousands of dollars in a gamble that I might actually know something and make a movie lots of people might want to watch?

If that is the case then you should send an email immediately or just donate to the fund for making The Muffin Man which will have sex, violence and cooking. It’s true. Sex. Violence. Cooking.

No one has ever done it before so it will be breaking new ground in filmic interpretation of the metaphors of life.

That’s really what life is all about anyway. Sex! Numero uno drive more fun than most anything else what plagues our minds a few times an hour if not a few time a minute. Food which kind of comes in number two in the hierarchy of drives. And violence which, as we all know, is just plain ol’ fun for the whole family!

[note: my head is going to explode from all the caffeine I had today while working with the Hector the actor who's playing Veijo]

Don’t you want to help destroy the evil?! Don’t you, the wonderful people with lots of cash, so much you don’t have enough pants pockets to hold it all, want to help out the War on Terror, to help save the Free Fucking World?!!!

Are you some sort of goddamn traitor?

Of course you’re not and that’s why you need to help out the film making community with cash and lots of it so they, meaning me in this case, can rent a Cannon HD camera, a grip truck and pay skilled crew, the people who do the grunt work in making the material that will bring down the evil doers.

Ultimately, it’s all for the children. Think of them…their sad little faces pressed up against a television with nothing on it because the mullahs have cancelled all the infidel shows. How will they grow up when they have no television to teach how to act when they’re trapped on a deserted island with a millionaire and his wife or how to live with a genie? How will they know when to laugh and when to cry if they haven’t been trained in proper emotional responses by a sea of actors? How will the poor little children, their lives devoid of laughter, learn to love if not for a copious sea of images?

You only have one choice and that choice is to give and give and give some more money and donate your time to stop the evil and to win the War On Terror.