I just had a project die as it was about to start. “Maddog e Viejo” died a sudden death today for reasons I don’t fully understand other than that I am apparently difficult to work with because I care about the quality of what I do. Strange to be accused of caring about your creative endeavors too much.

Anyway, the thing that I find the most curious about this is the fact that it was almost happening. We’d finally gotten most of the pieces together, locations in the works, I’d finally gotten a good handle on crew and equipment, an actor who was perfect for Viejo who would have made the short film work.

Funny how things work out.

Especially frustrating is that I’ve now got all these visual descriptions, all those creative notions, in my head about the short film that will never come to pass. It’s kind of stopping at the point of orgasm. All foreplay and no finish. Build up and fizzle. It’s like a bucket of ice on my creative hard on!

And I finally figured out the look I wanted too! Saturated color with a bit of film grain shot in 16×9, slightly blown out highlights, and languid camera moves, tracking shots, counterpointed with frenetic hand held shots. It woulda been interesting if not great. It coulda been a movie!

If you could all just plug into what’s in my head it would be a lot easier to get this stuff done. Wouldn’t have to work with other people, acquire all the crap that you need to acquire with film projects, no budget, no insurance, equipment that’s too damn expensive even when borrowed, no fucking co-writers, no actors, no crew, no food for everyone, no worrying about the weather…

Man, I have got to get another hobby.