One of the reasons why I still work at the silly job that I have is that the owner of the restaurant really knows how to drug her employees well and it helps that she’s pregnant and has spontaneous cravings.

So while she was doing some shopping for the restaurant today she spied 73% cocoa dark chocolate and brought back the crew such a lovely and wonderful gift.

I had a few squares, a double shot of espresso and then for three hours couldn’t stop singing the “stop the pigeon” song from an old Hanna-Barbera cartoon.

So stop the pigeon
stop the pigeon
stop the pigeon
stop the pigeon
stop the pigeon
stop the pigeon
stop the pigeon
Howww?

nab him
jab him
tab him
grab him
stop that pigeon now!

I cleaned a kitchen lickity split, cause one of my coworkers was really quite sick, bad Mexican food from real Mexico, extreme measures laid him quite low.

Close the restaurant
close the restaurant
close the restaurant
close the restaurant
close the restaurant
close the restaurant
close the restaurant
Howww?

I’m still a little buzzed from it the drugging. But the work got done and that’s really the best way to keep your employees happy when times are tough and the going of the work day is rough…super duper dark chocolate. Take note CEOs of the world. Super dark motherfucking chocolate will raise productivity. Thowing some good coffee and you’ve got a workforce that so potent, creative, and efficient it could stop the entire nation of China from a rampaging rage with some rubber bands and paper clips.

Now if we could only get her to have an acid craving. The day sure would go by faster if we were all tripping.

Or maybe a mescal craving. Being drunk at work with a pound of super duper dark chocolate nearby might be the best and work day ever. I bet I could handle the people who place catering orders who don’t even know where they work a lot better if I had a few shots of mescal/dark chocolate/espresso in me.