I grew up Catholic. Went to Catholic school K thru 12. Had Franciscan bro’s teach me important lessons in high school.
I had my share of sacremental wine after having a crappy cracker jammed into my mouth by a priest who only minutes previous had his fingers up an alter boy’s ass.
Thusly, I know pain and suffering.
Over the past year I’ve been teaching myself about wine and I’ve come to one conclusion, those child molesting bastard priests (who never mostelted me…I wasn’t a cute kid???!!!…goddamn I could use a huge cash settlement) kept all the good wine to themselves.
Fucking greedy priests. May they rot in their own conception of hell.
A man dies and goes to hell. He wakes up in a cheap little motel room. After looking around for a little bit, he discovers that it’s not so bad. It has clean sheets, a decent shower, and basic cable. When he goes outside, he sees that Satan is outside in a golf cart. He says “Oh, you’re the new guy. I’m here to give you the tour.” So Satan drives him around hell showing him all the sights, a pool, a family style italian resturaunt. The guy says “Hey, this isn’t so bad.” And satan says “Yeah, we like it here. Heaven is better though, they’ve got premium cable, fancy resturants, and a private lagoon, but we like it here.” Then the golf cart turns the corner and the guy sees a flaming pit of naked souls in agony under an apocolyptic sky. “What is that!?” he asks. “Oh, that’s for the Catholics,” says Satan, “they insisted on it.”