If a random stranger, preferably one with a beard and a long multi-colored coat, maybe even a wooden staff, told me five years ago that I’d be working at a low wage restaurant job, taking photos in my spare time like they were life itself, shooting movies whenever I could, experiencing a long series of mystical revelations, meditating every day and was actually happy about it all, I’d have assumed that drug addicted asshole was insane and needed cash..
Now I’m living that life and wondering how I managed to waste so much time and energy on the past. I’m wondering how to cut all those ties that still bind me, and I’m wondering where the hell it all will end. How far into the rabbit hole can one go and still be able to pretend to sanity?
I’m wondering if I’ll ever be as happy as the friends I took photos of at their wedding a few weeks ago. I’m wondering what it all means when it all starts to mean something but you can’t quite tell what the language that’s being used is.
Never fail to be surprised at where you end up I guess although where I am makes perfect sense based on who I was, just not who I thought I was.
The cloud spins over the mountain, the friends fill me with unbearable joy, the past sends an email and cuts me like a dull rusty knife, the future drags me punch drunk and bewildered.
It’s a happy flower. It does not tell you anything other than that it exists.
Here’s a belly dancer,
I inhaled smoke from her mouth and the world got even stranger than I thought and it was already pretty fucking strange.
I stopped in my past and tried to figure out what the terror was all about. I looked for a key and found it in a dead shrine. I looked for a keyhole and found it in a rock. I looked for a photo and found a mountain with photos scattered across a difficult trail.
Five years ago feel so real and feels so distant. It’s hard to imagine being such a silly fool and yet I have these memories that remind me every day.
They make me laugh. They make me lament at the waste. They make me wonder why.
Whip a little time into the mix of a life and you might get anything.