Afraid of Everything Man is cowering under a box.

Don walks up and says to the box while he sits on it, “Hey, Afraid of Everything Man, don’t be afraid of everything, man, Afraid of Everything Man! You know what’s scary, man?

I’ll tell you, man, I was out walking in the desert the other day and this freaky kid with a big forehead and four eyes jumped on me and started biting my leg, man.

So I took out my broom from my back pack and and started hitting him with it. He ran off and I chased him into the forest. Suddenly there were hundreds of those freaky kids man! They tied me down with saran wrap and painted my feet purple, man.

They all went to sleep and this freaky giant penguin wearing a sombrero stayed to guard me. I was getting pretty sweaty in that saran wrap, man.

When that penguin started chanting “Where’s Jeff Goldbloom’s Addidas outfit!” I got scared, man! “WHERE’S JEFF GOLDBLOOMS ADDIDAS OUTFIT?!!!”

I got really sweaty then so sweaty I slid out of the saran wrap and then I threw some pickled herring that I keep in my pockets to the penguin and ran, man.

Man, I ran far. I was running for like five days or something and then I tripped and fell on a childhood school buddy who I hadn’t seen since then, man.

He was a hermit, man, had been out there for like 40 years, and we talked for a while and then he told me that some giant penguin gave him a broom and asked me if I wanted it.

Afraid of Everything Man, that was my broom, man!…and I was happy to get it back but that’s when things really started getting weird, man.

But I gotta go, Afraid of Everything Man, so you don’t be afraid of everything, man. It’s not that scary. I got my broom back so everything will work out okay for you too, man.”

Afraid of Everything Man cowers under the box and then realizes, “OH GOD!!! AAAAIIIGGGHHH! PEBBLES EVERYWHERE!!!” Then he goes off running, arms flailing, his tight superhero outfit, AEM stenciled gracefully on the front, gleaming in the setting evening sun.